Today I am maneuvering the super highway of motherhood like a pro race car driver. I’m in the fast lane; changing diapers, fixing cereal, and everybody is completely ready, including hair done and teeth brushed, by 7:15 in the morning.
It’s Bradley’s first day of baseball camp. This is actually his first time for any kind of “camp” and I’m a little nervous and a little bit excited and I really don’t want us to be late on his first day. But I don’t know what I was thinking, I have to take all these little monkeys with me (2 two-year olds and a 3-year-old) and I think I have lost my mind.
And of course things can’t run smoothly. Collin starts running through the house and saying naughty words (can’t wait till we get out of this stage!) and the twins are fighting over shoes. It’s like a big pothole that I got stuck in and came to a crashing halt. I’m stalled and on the side of this motherhood super highway. I’m cursing myself for not finding a sitter for a couple of hours. I don’t want to take this chaos with me on his first day and try to figure out where to be and not lose anybody. It’s like driving with no headlights in the dark.
So I do what any desperate mother would do…I start calling people at the last-minute. “Can you come watch the little ones this morning for 2 hours? PLEASE! It’s Bradley’s first day of baseball camp.” It’s my last-ditch effort. Terri (who watches the kids a lot for me) came through for me. God bless her soul. Saved again!
I grab a jacket and head out the door. It’s a cool morning. If we hurry we just might make it in time.
As I approach the sign in table I am so grateful I don’t have the little ones with me. The stands and fields are filled with boys ages 7-12 years old with all their baseball gear and parents milling around. Not a whole lot of babies trying to run out onto the field, like I know Collin would try to do.
I just sort of stand there, feeling a little lost. I’ve never been to one of these things. Do I stay or do I leave? I’ve never left him before. I feel the jitters in my stomach at the thought – he’s still so little, he’s only seven! – and the excuses run through my head. But the rational side takes over, he’s old enough. It’s camp. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do at camp, drop ’em off and pick ’em up?
Luckily I ran into a couple of old high school friends and chatted with them in the crowd. “Have you done this before? Did you do this last year? Do you wait around or just drop them off?” I was so nervous. They seemed like pros. “See ya later. I have other kids at home.” and “I’m gonna go workout and run some errands.”
Hmmmm….why couldn’t I take this freedom and run with it? Why don’t I have plans or things to do? The freedom was a strange feeling I wasn’t sure what to do with. I stood and watched my son in the group go to the farthest field with all of the other boys. Little baseball feet ran through the field in unison, like little wheels going round and round, and my son’s feet blended with the others as he became one of the team. I guess I am free to go.
But instead I still stood there debating in my head, should I stay or should I go? But it’s two hours long. Finally, after making small chit-chat with a grandpa on the sidelines, I decided to enjoy my freedom. I can be like my friends, I can have plans and take the time to go do something. Maybe I should go workout. Nah, I don’t have workout clothes (and a ton of other excuses for that one)….so I went to the library.
And let me tell you, that two hours of freedom felt amazing. I went straight to my favorite section of the library. No kid section. No shushing them. No losing the little stinkers in the aisles. No threats about leaving if they couldn’t behave.
Just me and books. It felt like heaven. I even got to go to the magazine section. I signed up for the summer reading program. I felt a hundred pounds lighter, even though I had a heavy stack of reading material in my arms.
I should ditch the kids more often, I thought as I was leaving the library with a humongous smile on my face. Maybe I could find a “camp” for ALL of them. Do they have camps for toddlers? Hmmmm…it was fun while it lasted, that two hours of freedom.
I think I will find a babysitter again some morning and ditch the kids. This mommy time was just what I needed!
What do you do with your freedom when you “ditch” the kids?
xxx
Amanda St.Clair 