Itsy Bitsy Spider

When the babies were little it was so easy changing diapers. They just layed there and we got shit done. I would line ’em up, wipe ’em down, and smack a diaper on their little butts. I had a system and I was fast. If it was a sport I would have a medal in it. But then they start getting a little older and they realize they have better things to do than to lay still and get their diapers changed; like scale the walls, swing from the ceiling fan, try to ride the dog like a horse, or one of their other favorite past times that makes me over exert my vocal chords.

So what do you do when you’re trying to change a diaper and your baby (or babies in my case) seem to have taken on some sort of super human baby strength? I have tried an assortment of methods. 

I always seem to start with reasoning, which is the natural and logical starting point in my opinion. But it never works, no matter how smart you think your baby is. 

Sometimes I give them something to hold onto so they will occupy themselves, which nine times out of ten gets thrown at my face. Dang, they can aim.

Most of the time it ends up in a wrestling match. I try to hold her between my knees so she can’t roll. I grab a shoulder and roll her back over to her back. I fumble around looking for the tabs to the damn diaper between the screams and the fighting to get away.  This method rarely works either.

Distraction. That’s what works the best. But it’s got to be something good.

“Hey, look!” I say, pointing at the ceiling. “Do you see the spider?” I don’t know why, but they always stop and look for the spider. ALWAYS! Not Elmo, not Big Bird, but a spider. “See it?” I coax, while maneuvering the diaper under their butt and pressing down the tabs while they are still searching the empty ceiling with their big blue innocent eyes looking for a spider. Easy! Done!

But I’m not a horrible mom and we don’t have spiders on our ceiling. So then I sing them the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” song and everything’s good. Until my six-year-old comes around the corner, “Where? Where? I don’t see no spider!”  He used to have an imagination. I shush him and go to the next baby and the next diaper. 

I can’t wait until these kids are potty trained.

What are your tricks?

xxx

No Need For An Alarm Clock, I Have Kids

Morning Girls: Elsie (in back) and Mallie (up front)

I don’t need an alarm clock anymore. Not because I don’t work or have kids I have to get off to school. I don’t need an alarm clock because I have four children, three of them under the age of two. So there is no chance that I will ever get to sleep past 7am, at least probably not for the next year or two. (The picture to the left is one half of my alarm clock.)

 I would like to say that I am used to waking up at all hours of the night and early in the morning, but I’m not. Well, it is getting easier waking up for the 3am feedings, and shhhh… I am starting to enjoy this secret pocket of silence, it is the waking up 3 hours later that is hard. I am no super mom, and it is ok, I can face reality. I need sleep.

 Most of the time when I hear the babies (I have 3 month old twin girls) stirring early in the morning, I bury my head deeper under the covers and close my eyes even tighter and repeat silently to myself…”please go back to sleep.please go back to sleep.please go back to sleep,” as if I could will them back to sleep with my thoughts. This never happens. I end up stumbling out from under the warm covers, pop a pacifier in one of their mouths, hoping it will keep them quiet for 20 minutes, like a snooze button, so I can literally dive back into bed headfirst. Usually this will work one time, until my diva baby starts screaming. She doesn’t fuss, she screams at the highest pitch possible, forcing me to jump out of bed. I give up the pacifier snooze button, never works for her, and just grab her and put her in bed with me. This might allow me an extra thirty minutes to sleep, depending on the morning.

The sun is sneaking through the cracks of the shades and assaulting my eyes. Ughhh… how can it be morning already?

I squeeze my eyes shut tight and wish I could roll over, but I’m holding a baby, so I stay stiff as a zombie. I contemplate if it is worth it to go back to sleep because most of the time the momentary silence is just a trick. But I am so tired I start to slowly drift away back  into dreamland. 

I don’t even get to put a dent in my pillow when I hear one of the boys. Really?! It’s only been ten minutes. I reach over and grab my phone to confirm this…6:45am. I try to just pretend I don’t hear Bradley and Collin in the next room, even though it is next to impossible. “Collin, quit touching the tv. I’m trying to find fishing.” Bradley has been into watching fishing on tv. He seen it over the weekend and is now bummed he can’t find it during the week. He thinks he just didn’t wake up in time. I told him it was only on on Sundays. He just wont believe me. He was into cartoons, guess that wont do now.

So this is how my morning goes. Eventually the boys will start arguing too much, or Collin starts yelling, “momma…maaaaammmmmma…” or the girls keep waking back up and I can’t trick them with a pacifier anymore, they are demanding their bottles. Ughh…I am not a morning person but I drag my butt out of bed to get the day started. Diapers, bottles, breakfast. Throw in a cup of hot tea for me. It is rushed and frantic as I scramble around getting all this done with 2 screaming babies. I tell Bradley to let out the dog and I throw Collin in his highchair. I manage a couple of yawns in between and  finally I get everybody settled, turn on the TODAY Show, and sit with my tea. *sigh*  

The boys are content crunching on their cereal and I am finishing up feeding the girls. They usually hang out next to me on the couch (see picture above) as I check my e-mail and start my blog post for the day.

 By the end of breakfast my caffeine has kicked in and I am ready for the day. Sometimes I find my cape and feel like super mom getting tons of things done and doing all kinds of fun activities with the kids. And other days I can’t find my cape and don’t get a darn thing done. I guess there is tomorrow for that shower. Oh well, I just look at the cute little boys running around or the two precious babies sitting next to me and I know I am a lucky mommy.

xxx