Yackety Yack! Don’t Talk Back.

Yackety yack! Don’t talk back.  This has been my theme song lately.

Oh, the things kids say. Lately, Bradley has been getting into a lot of trouble with the things he has been saying.

I don’t know where this came from and I don’t remember when it started. I do know it is driving me nuts. And it seems like no matter how much he gets in trouble for it, he keeps doing it. Here are a few samples:

Me:  Do you want oatmeal?

Bradley:  No, you’re oatmeal.

Me:  It’s time to brush your teeth.

Bradley:  No, you brush your teeth.

Me:  Are you ready for school?

Bradley:  No, you’re ready for school.

Bradley:  May I have a snack please?

Me:  Yes. How about some crackers with peanut butter?

Bradley:  You’re a cracker AND peanut butter.

Something I might say to Brad:  I have to go to the grocery store.

Bradley will pipe in:  You’re a grocery store.

Me:  It’s hot.

Bradley:  No, you’re hot.

(That one is kinda funny. I let that one slide.)

Me:  These dogs are driving me nuts.

Bradley:  No, you’re driving me nuts.

Me:  Bradley, stop talking back.

Bradley:  You stop talking back.

Me:  Bradley, you’re going to get into trouble.

Bradley:  No, you’re trouble.

Me:  Knock it off! If you talk back like that one more time you are going to be grounded from tv AND your video game.

And he just keeps it going… and going… and going…

I want to scream! I want to smack the back of his head and watch all the back talking fall out of his mouth letter by letter. I want to find a button on the back of his head that I can switch to “sweetheart.” I want a magic wand to bop him on the head with.

We have had long talks about the way we should talk to each other. He has been warned. He has been yelled at. He has sat on the steps in a time-out. He has been sent to his room. He has lost privileges. And he keeps going… No, you’re a tim-out.

I told him a story (that I made up, but told him it was true) about a boy named Brian who said the very same things that he does… and I was lost for words at the end. I was like, “And do you know what happened to Brian after talking back like that?”

Bradley smiled up at me with a challenge in his eyes, “No, what?”

And hell, I didn’t think this all the way through. What happens to Brian? Does he get banned to the moon? Does his tongue turn to slime? Does his teeth rot out? I didn’t want to scare him. I stalled with more of the story about “how Brian talks” and finally came up with Brian doesn’t have any friends when he talks that way and no one calls him on the phone. He doesn’t get to watch movies in his room or play with his friends.  But when he talks nice he has lots of friends, etc. etc.  I don’t think he bought it. Maybe Brian should have turned into a dog with stinky breath who had to sleep in a dog house outside. No, that sounds like it might be fun for a 5-year-old boy.

Nothing seems to work.

You don’t work.

Grrrrr….

Maybe it is just a phase we have to work through. Any suggestions on how to keep my sanity in the meantime?

From a very tired mom.

No, you’re a tired mom.

xxx